Sunday, May 30, 2010
gulf oil spill
Maybe I missed something. But, I don't understand how Obama (insert any president's name)is responsible for the Gulf oil spill. Yeah, the feds should be responsible for accessing the cause - and blame - for the accident. Is the FAA responsible for plane crashes?
Friday, May 28, 2010
stephen hawking list
10. “Einstein was wrong when he said “God does not play dice”. Consideration of black holes suggests, not only that God does play dice, but that He sometimes confuses us by throwing them where they can’t be seen.”
9. “I have noticed even people who claim everything is predestined, and that we can do nothing to change it, look before they cross the road.”
8. “My goal is simple. It is a complete understanding of the universe, why it is as it is and why it exists at all.”
7. “I find that American & Scandinavian accents work better with women.” In response to a question about the American accent of his synthesiser.
6. “Someone told me that each equation I included in the book would halve the sales. In the end, however, I did put in one equation, Einstein’s famous equation, E = mc2. I hope that this will not scare off half of my potential readers.”
5. “My expectations were reduced to zero when I was 21. Everything since then has been a bonus.”
4. “To show this diagram properly, I would really need a four dimensional screen. However, because of government cuts, we could manage to provide only a two dimensional screen.”
3. “Life would be tragic if it weren’t funny.”
2. “The whole history of science has been the gradual realization that events do not happen in an arbitrary manner, but that they reflect a certain underlying order, which may or may not be pinely inspired.”
1. “Eternity is a very long time, especially towards the end.”
9. “I have noticed even people who claim everything is predestined, and that we can do nothing to change it, look before they cross the road.”
8. “My goal is simple. It is a complete understanding of the universe, why it is as it is and why it exists at all.”
7. “I find that American & Scandinavian accents work better with women.” In response to a question about the American accent of his synthesiser.
6. “Someone told me that each equation I included in the book would halve the sales. In the end, however, I did put in one equation, Einstein’s famous equation, E = mc2. I hope that this will not scare off half of my potential readers.”
5. “My expectations were reduced to zero when I was 21. Everything since then has been a bonus.”
4. “To show this diagram properly, I would really need a four dimensional screen. However, because of government cuts, we could manage to provide only a two dimensional screen.”
3. “Life would be tragic if it weren’t funny.”
2. “The whole history of science has been the gradual realization that events do not happen in an arbitrary manner, but that they reflect a certain underlying order, which may or may not be pinely inspired.”
1. “Eternity is a very long time, especially towards the end.”
Thursday, May 27, 2010
home invasion
Catch 22 again rears its ugly head! Seems an 80 something guy in Chicago is confronted with a robber breaking into his house. He killed the perp with his handgun. (There was an exchange of gunfire). Now the homeowner could face charges for possessing a handgun in Chicago. Good that the Supreme Court may be looking at the Chicago law against law abiding citizens defending themselves. Book had a little technical glitch that I had to fix this morning. All done, I hope.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
nothing list
20 Things You Didn't Know About... Nothing
1. There is vastly more nothing than something. Roughly 74 percent of the universe is “nothing,” or what physicists call dark energy; 22 percent is dark matter, particles we cannot see. Only 4 percent is baryonic matter, the stuff we call something.
2. And even something is mostly nothing. Atoms overwhelmingly consist of empty space. Matter’s solidity is an illusion caused by the electric fields created by subatomic particles.
3. There is more and more nothing every second. In 1998 astronomers measuring the expansion of the universe determined that dark energy is pushing apart the universe at an ever-accelerating speed. The discovery of nothing—and its ability to influence the fate of the cosmos—is considered the most important astronomical finding of the past decade.
4. But even nothing has a weight. The energy in dark matter is equivalent to a tiny mass; there is about one pound of dark energy in a cube of empty space 250,000 miles on each side.
5. In space, no one can hear you scream: Sound, a mechanical wave, cannot travel through a vacuum. Without matter to vibrate through, there is only silence.
6. So what if Kramer falls in a forest? Luckily, electromagnetic waves, including light and radio waves, need no medium to travel through, letting TV stations broadcast endless reruns of Seinfeld, the show about nothing.
7. Light can travel through a vacuum, but there is nothing to refract it. Alas for extraterrestrial romantics, stars do not twinkle in outer space.
8. Black holes are not holes or voids; they are the exact opposite of nothing, being the densest concentration of mass known in the universe.
9. “Zero” was first seen in cuneiform tablets written around 300 B.C. by Babylonians who used it as a placeholder (to distinguish 36 from 306 or 360, for example). The concept of zero in its mathematical sense was developed in India in the fifth century.
10. Any number divided by zero is . . . nothing, not even zero. The equation is mathematically impossible.
11. It is said that Abdülhamid II, sultan of the Ottoman Empire in the early 1900s, had censors expunge references to H2O from chemistry books because he was sure it stood for “Hamid the Second is nothing.”
12. Medieval art was mostly flat and two-dimensional until the 15th century, when the Florentine architect Filippo Brunelleschi conceived of the vanishing point, the place where parallel lines converge into nothingness. This allowed for the development of perspective in art.
13. Aristotle once wrote, “Nature abhors a vacuum,” and so did he. His complete rejection of vacuums and voids and his subsequent influence on centuries of learning prevented the adoption of the concept of zero in the Western world until around the 13th century, when Italian bankers found it to be extraordinarily useful in financial transactions.
14. Vacuums do not suck things. They create spaces into which the surrounding atmosphere pushes matter.
15. Creatio ex nihilo, the belief that the world was created out of nothing, is one of the most common themes in ancient myths and religions.
16. Current theories suggest that the universe was created out of a state of vacuum energy, that is, nothing.
17. But to a physicist there is no such thing as nothing. Empty space is instead filled with pairs of particles and antiparticles, called virtual particles, that quickly form and then, in accordance with the law of energy conservation, annihilate each other in about 10-25 second.
18. So Aristotle was right all along.
19. These virtual particles popping in and out of existence create energy. In fact, according to quantum mechanics, the energy contained in all the power plants and nuclear weapons in the world doesn’t equal the theoretical energy contained in the empty spaces between these words.
20. In other words, nothing could be the key to the theory of everything.
1. There is vastly more nothing than something. Roughly 74 percent of the universe is “nothing,” or what physicists call dark energy; 22 percent is dark matter, particles we cannot see. Only 4 percent is baryonic matter, the stuff we call something.
2. And even something is mostly nothing. Atoms overwhelmingly consist of empty space. Matter’s solidity is an illusion caused by the electric fields created by subatomic particles.
3. There is more and more nothing every second. In 1998 astronomers measuring the expansion of the universe determined that dark energy is pushing apart the universe at an ever-accelerating speed. The discovery of nothing—and its ability to influence the fate of the cosmos—is considered the most important astronomical finding of the past decade.
4. But even nothing has a weight. The energy in dark matter is equivalent to a tiny mass; there is about one pound of dark energy in a cube of empty space 250,000 miles on each side.
5. In space, no one can hear you scream: Sound, a mechanical wave, cannot travel through a vacuum. Without matter to vibrate through, there is only silence.
6. So what if Kramer falls in a forest? Luckily, electromagnetic waves, including light and radio waves, need no medium to travel through, letting TV stations broadcast endless reruns of Seinfeld, the show about nothing.
7. Light can travel through a vacuum, but there is nothing to refract it. Alas for extraterrestrial romantics, stars do not twinkle in outer space.
8. Black holes are not holes or voids; they are the exact opposite of nothing, being the densest concentration of mass known in the universe.
9. “Zero” was first seen in cuneiform tablets written around 300 B.C. by Babylonians who used it as a placeholder (to distinguish 36 from 306 or 360, for example). The concept of zero in its mathematical sense was developed in India in the fifth century.
10. Any number divided by zero is . . . nothing, not even zero. The equation is mathematically impossible.
11. It is said that Abdülhamid II, sultan of the Ottoman Empire in the early 1900s, had censors expunge references to H2O from chemistry books because he was sure it stood for “Hamid the Second is nothing.”
12. Medieval art was mostly flat and two-dimensional until the 15th century, when the Florentine architect Filippo Brunelleschi conceived of the vanishing point, the place where parallel lines converge into nothingness. This allowed for the development of perspective in art.
13. Aristotle once wrote, “Nature abhors a vacuum,” and so did he. His complete rejection of vacuums and voids and his subsequent influence on centuries of learning prevented the adoption of the concept of zero in the Western world until around the 13th century, when Italian bankers found it to be extraordinarily useful in financial transactions.
14. Vacuums do not suck things. They create spaces into which the surrounding atmosphere pushes matter.
15. Creatio ex nihilo, the belief that the world was created out of nothing, is one of the most common themes in ancient myths and religions.
16. Current theories suggest that the universe was created out of a state of vacuum energy, that is, nothing.
17. But to a physicist there is no such thing as nothing. Empty space is instead filled with pairs of particles and antiparticles, called virtual particles, that quickly form and then, in accordance with the law of energy conservation, annihilate each other in about 10-25 second.
18. So Aristotle was right all along.
19. These virtual particles popping in and out of existence create energy. In fact, according to quantum mechanics, the energy contained in all the power plants and nuclear weapons in the world doesn’t equal the theoretical energy contained in the empty spaces between these words.
20. In other words, nothing could be the key to the theory of everything.
Hard Copy
Hard copy of Gray Team Alpha now available from Amazon and other retailers. ISBN1452895562
EAN-139781452895567
EAN-139781452895567
Monday, May 24, 2010
86 rules of drinking
1. If you owe someone money, always pay them back in a bar. Preferably during Happy Hour.
2. Always toast before doing a shot.
3. Whoever buys the shot gets the first chance to offer a toast.
4. Change your toast at least once a month.
5. Buying someone a drink is five times better than a handshake.
6. Buying a strange woman a drink is still cool. Buying all her drinks is dumb.
7. Never borrow more than one cigarette from the same person in one night.
8. When the bartender is slammed, resist the powerful urge to order a slightly-dirty,very-dry, in-and-out, super-chilled half-and-half martini with a lemon twist. Limit orders to beer, straight shots and two-part cocktails.
9. Get the bartender's attention with eye contact and a smile.
10. Do not make eye contact with the bartender if you do not want a drink.
11. Unacceptable things to say after doing a shot: Great, now I'm going to get drunk. I hate shots. It's coming back up.
12. Never, ever tell a bartender he made your drink too strong.
13. If he makes it too weak, order a double next time. He'll get the message.
14. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she refuses, she does not like you.
15. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she accepts, she still might not like you.
16. If she buys you a drink, she likes you.
17. If someone offers to buy you a drink, do not upgrade your liquor preference.
18. Always have a corkscrew in your house.
19. If you don't have a corkscrew, push the cork down into the bottle with a pen.
20. Drink one girly drink in public, and you will forever be known as the guy who
drinks girly drinks.
21. Our parents were better drinkers than we are.
22. Never talk to someone in the restroom unless you're doing the same thing -
urinating, waiting in line or washing your hands.
23. Girls hang out, apply make-up, and have long talks in the bathroom.
Men do not.
24. After your sixth drink, do not look at yourself in the mirror. It will shake
your confidence.
25. It is only permissible to shout 'woo-hoo!' if you are doing a shot with four or
more people.
26. If there is a DJ, you can request a song only once per night. If he doesn't play it
within half an hour, don't approach him again. If he does play it, don't approach him again.
27. Learn how to make a rose out of a bar napkin. You'll be surprised how well it works.
28. If you can't afford to tip, you can't afford to drink in a bar. Go to the liquor store.
29. If you owe someone twenty dollars or less, you may pay them back in beer.
30. Never complain about the quality or brand of a free drink.
31. If you have been roommates with someone more than six months, you may drink all
their beer, even if it's hidden, as long as you leave them one.
32. You can have a shot of their hard liquor only if the cap has been cracked and the
bottle goes for less than $25.
33. The only thing that tastes better than free liquor is stolen liquor.
34. If you bring Old Milwaukee to a party, you must drink at least 2 cans before you
start drinking the imported beer in the fridge.
35. Learn to appreciate hangovers. If it was all good times every jackass would
be doing it.
36. If you ever feel depressed, get out a bartender's guide and browse thru
all the drinks you've never tried.
37. Try one new drink each week.
38. If you're the bar's sole customer, you are obliged to make small talk with the
bartender until he stops acknowledging you. Then you're off the hook.
The same goes for him.
39. Never tip with coins that have touched you. If your change is $1.50, you can tell
the barmaid to keep the change, but, once she has handed it to you, you cannot give it back.
To a bartender or cocktail waitress, small change has no value.
40. If you have ever told a bartender, "Hey, it all spends the same," then you are
a cheap ass.
41. Anyone on stage or behind a bar is fifty percent better looking.
42. You can tell how hard a drinker someone is by how close they keep their drink
to their mouth.
43. A bar is a college, not a nursery. If you spill a beer, clean it up. If you break
a glass, wait for a staff member to clean it up, then blame it on someone else.
44. Being drunk is feeling sophisticated without being able to say it.
45. It's okay to drink alone.
46. After three drinks, you will forget a woman's name two seconds after she
tells you. The rest of the night you will call her "baby" or "darling".
47. Nothing screams 'Gay' louder than swirling an oversized brandy snifter.
48. Men don't drink from straws. Unless you're doing a Mind or Face Eraser.
49. If you do a shot, finish it. If you don't plan to finish it, don't accept it.
50. Never brood in a dance bar. Never dance in a dive bar.
51. Never play more than three songs by the same artist in a row.
52. Your songs will come on as you're leaving the bar.
53. Never yell out jukebox selections to someone you don't know.
54. Never lie in a bar. You may, however, grossly exaggerate and lean.
55. If you think you might be slurring a little, then you are slurring a lot. If you
think you are slurring a lot, then you are not speaking English.
56. Screaming, "Someone buy me a drink!" has never worked.
57. For every drink, there is a five percent better chance you will get in a fight.
There is also a three percent better chance you will lose the fight.
58. Fighting an extremely drunk person when you are sober is hilarious.
59. If you're broke and a friend is "sporting you", you must laugh at all his jokes
and play wingman when he makes his move.
60. If you're broke and a friend is "ragging on you", you may steal any drink he
leaves unattended.
61. Never rest your head on a table or bar top. It is the equivalent of voluntarily
putting your head on a chopping block.
62. If you are trading rounds with a friend and he asks if you're ready for another,
always say "Yes". Once you fall out of sync you will end up buying
more drinks than him.
63. If you're going to hit on a member of the bar staff, make sure you tip well
before and after, regardless of her response.
64. The people with the most money are rarely the best tippers.
65. Before you die, single-handedly make one decent martini.
66. Asking a bartender what beers are on tap when the handles are right in front
of you is the equivalent of saying, "I'm an idiot."
67. Never ask a bartender "What's good tonight?" They do not fly in the scotch
fresh from the coast every morning.
68. If there is a line for drinks, get your damn drink and step the hell away from the bar.
69. If there is ever any confusion, the fuller beer is yours.
70. The patrons at your local bar are your extended family, your father, hers, your
brothers and sisters. Except you get to sleep with these sisters. And if you're really
drunk, the mothers.
71. It's acceptable, traditional, in fact, to disappear during a night of hard drinking.
You will appear mysterious, and your friends will understand. If they even notice.
72. Never argue your tab at the end of the night. Remember, you're hammered, and they're
sober. It's akin to a precocious five-year-old arguing the super-string theory with a
physicist. 99.9% of the time you're wrong and, either way, you're going to come off
as a jackass.
73. If you bring booze to a party, you must drink it or leave it.
74. If you hesitate more than three seconds after the bartender looks at you, you do not
deserve a drink.
75. Beer makes you mellow, champagne makes you silly, wine makes you dramatic, tequila
makes you felonious.
76. The greatest thing a drunkard can do is buy a round of drinks for a packed bar.
77. Never preface a conversation with a bartender with "I know this is going to
be a hassle, but . . ."
78. When you're in a bar and drunk, your boss is just another guy begging for a
fat lip. Unless he's buying.
79. If you are 86'd, do not return for at least three months. To come back sooner makes it
appear no other bar wants you.
80. Anyone with three or more drinks in his hands has the right of way.
81. If you're going to drink on the job, drink vodka. It's the no-tell liquor.
82. There's nothing wrong with drinking before noon. Especially if you're supposed to be
at work.
83. The bar clock moves twice as fast from midnight to last call.
84. A flask engraved with a personal message is one of the best gifts you can ever give.
And make sure there's something in it.
85. On the intimacy scale, sharing a quiet drink is between a handshake and a kiss.
86. You will forget everyone of of these rules by your fifth drink.
2. Always toast before doing a shot.
3. Whoever buys the shot gets the first chance to offer a toast.
4. Change your toast at least once a month.
5. Buying someone a drink is five times better than a handshake.
6. Buying a strange woman a drink is still cool. Buying all her drinks is dumb.
7. Never borrow more than one cigarette from the same person in one night.
8. When the bartender is slammed, resist the powerful urge to order a slightly-dirty,very-dry, in-and-out, super-chilled half-and-half martini with a lemon twist. Limit orders to beer, straight shots and two-part cocktails.
9. Get the bartender's attention with eye contact and a smile.
10. Do not make eye contact with the bartender if you do not want a drink.
11. Unacceptable things to say after doing a shot: Great, now I'm going to get drunk. I hate shots. It's coming back up.
12. Never, ever tell a bartender he made your drink too strong.
13. If he makes it too weak, order a double next time. He'll get the message.
14. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she refuses, she does not like you.
15. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she accepts, she still might not like you.
16. If she buys you a drink, she likes you.
17. If someone offers to buy you a drink, do not upgrade your liquor preference.
18. Always have a corkscrew in your house.
19. If you don't have a corkscrew, push the cork down into the bottle with a pen.
20. Drink one girly drink in public, and you will forever be known as the guy who
drinks girly drinks.
21. Our parents were better drinkers than we are.
22. Never talk to someone in the restroom unless you're doing the same thing -
urinating, waiting in line or washing your hands.
23. Girls hang out, apply make-up, and have long talks in the bathroom.
Men do not.
24. After your sixth drink, do not look at yourself in the mirror. It will shake
your confidence.
25. It is only permissible to shout 'woo-hoo!' if you are doing a shot with four or
more people.
26. If there is a DJ, you can request a song only once per night. If he doesn't play it
within half an hour, don't approach him again. If he does play it, don't approach him again.
27. Learn how to make a rose out of a bar napkin. You'll be surprised how well it works.
28. If you can't afford to tip, you can't afford to drink in a bar. Go to the liquor store.
29. If you owe someone twenty dollars or less, you may pay them back in beer.
30. Never complain about the quality or brand of a free drink.
31. If you have been roommates with someone more than six months, you may drink all
their beer, even if it's hidden, as long as you leave them one.
32. You can have a shot of their hard liquor only if the cap has been cracked and the
bottle goes for less than $25.
33. The only thing that tastes better than free liquor is stolen liquor.
34. If you bring Old Milwaukee to a party, you must drink at least 2 cans before you
start drinking the imported beer in the fridge.
35. Learn to appreciate hangovers. If it was all good times every jackass would
be doing it.
36. If you ever feel depressed, get out a bartender's guide and browse thru
all the drinks you've never tried.
37. Try one new drink each week.
38. If you're the bar's sole customer, you are obliged to make small talk with the
bartender until he stops acknowledging you. Then you're off the hook.
The same goes for him.
39. Never tip with coins that have touched you. If your change is $1.50, you can tell
the barmaid to keep the change, but, once she has handed it to you, you cannot give it back.
To a bartender or cocktail waitress, small change has no value.
40. If you have ever told a bartender, "Hey, it all spends the same," then you are
a cheap ass.
41. Anyone on stage or behind a bar is fifty percent better looking.
42. You can tell how hard a drinker someone is by how close they keep their drink
to their mouth.
43. A bar is a college, not a nursery. If you spill a beer, clean it up. If you break
a glass, wait for a staff member to clean it up, then blame it on someone else.
44. Being drunk is feeling sophisticated without being able to say it.
45. It's okay to drink alone.
46. After three drinks, you will forget a woman's name two seconds after she
tells you. The rest of the night you will call her "baby" or "darling".
47. Nothing screams 'Gay' louder than swirling an oversized brandy snifter.
48. Men don't drink from straws. Unless you're doing a Mind or Face Eraser.
49. If you do a shot, finish it. If you don't plan to finish it, don't accept it.
50. Never brood in a dance bar. Never dance in a dive bar.
51. Never play more than three songs by the same artist in a row.
52. Your songs will come on as you're leaving the bar.
53. Never yell out jukebox selections to someone you don't know.
54. Never lie in a bar. You may, however, grossly exaggerate and lean.
55. If you think you might be slurring a little, then you are slurring a lot. If you
think you are slurring a lot, then you are not speaking English.
56. Screaming, "Someone buy me a drink!" has never worked.
57. For every drink, there is a five percent better chance you will get in a fight.
There is also a three percent better chance you will lose the fight.
58. Fighting an extremely drunk person when you are sober is hilarious.
59. If you're broke and a friend is "sporting you", you must laugh at all his jokes
and play wingman when he makes his move.
60. If you're broke and a friend is "ragging on you", you may steal any drink he
leaves unattended.
61. Never rest your head on a table or bar top. It is the equivalent of voluntarily
putting your head on a chopping block.
62. If you are trading rounds with a friend and he asks if you're ready for another,
always say "Yes". Once you fall out of sync you will end up buying
more drinks than him.
63. If you're going to hit on a member of the bar staff, make sure you tip well
before and after, regardless of her response.
64. The people with the most money are rarely the best tippers.
65. Before you die, single-handedly make one decent martini.
66. Asking a bartender what beers are on tap when the handles are right in front
of you is the equivalent of saying, "I'm an idiot."
67. Never ask a bartender "What's good tonight?" They do not fly in the scotch
fresh from the coast every morning.
68. If there is a line for drinks, get your damn drink and step the hell away from the bar.
69. If there is ever any confusion, the fuller beer is yours.
70. The patrons at your local bar are your extended family, your father, hers, your
brothers and sisters. Except you get to sleep with these sisters. And if you're really
drunk, the mothers.
71. It's acceptable, traditional, in fact, to disappear during a night of hard drinking.
You will appear mysterious, and your friends will understand. If they even notice.
72. Never argue your tab at the end of the night. Remember, you're hammered, and they're
sober. It's akin to a precocious five-year-old arguing the super-string theory with a
physicist. 99.9% of the time you're wrong and, either way, you're going to come off
as a jackass.
73. If you bring booze to a party, you must drink it or leave it.
74. If you hesitate more than three seconds after the bartender looks at you, you do not
deserve a drink.
75. Beer makes you mellow, champagne makes you silly, wine makes you dramatic, tequila
makes you felonious.
76. The greatest thing a drunkard can do is buy a round of drinks for a packed bar.
77. Never preface a conversation with a bartender with "I know this is going to
be a hassle, but . . ."
78. When you're in a bar and drunk, your boss is just another guy begging for a
fat lip. Unless he's buying.
79. If you are 86'd, do not return for at least three months. To come back sooner makes it
appear no other bar wants you.
80. Anyone with three or more drinks in his hands has the right of way.
81. If you're going to drink on the job, drink vodka. It's the no-tell liquor.
82. There's nothing wrong with drinking before noon. Especially if you're supposed to be
at work.
83. The bar clock moves twice as fast from midnight to last call.
84. A flask engraved with a personal message is one of the best gifts you can ever give.
And make sure there's something in it.
85. On the intimacy scale, sharing a quiet drink is between a handshake and a kiss.
86. You will forget everyone of of these rules by your fifth drink.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Gray Team Alpha
New book ready for you to read! On Amazon Kindle. Only $5.99. Download and start enjoying a great fun adventure!
Diplomacy
Seems Madam Hillary is spending a couple of days in Shanghai before talks in Peking (remember the David Niven film?). She spoke at the Expo's US pavilion where films are shown touting American goods, etc. She gave kids teddy bears (Teddy Roosevelt). Nice stuff right? However, the stuffed bears, bison, silver lapel pins and pink cowboy hats are all marked, "MADE IN CHINA"
Friday, May 21, 2010
more list stuff
If anything can go wrong, it will – Murphy’s Law
One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory – Brown’s Rule
If you don’t need it and don’t want it, there is always plenty of it – Murphy’s Law of Supply
In America, it’s not how much an item costs, it’s how much you save – Paulg’s Law
Don’t believe everything you hear or anything you say – Murray’s Law
Marriage teaches you loyality, forbearance, selfrestraint, meekness, and a great many other things you wouldn’t need if you had stayed single – Townsend’s Law
It doesn’t matter if you win or lose… until you lose – O.J.’s Law
Assumption is the mother of all screw-ups – Wethern’s Law of Suspended Judgment
There are no answers, only cross-references – Weiner’s Law of Libraries
To err is human, but to really f*ck things up requires a computer – Law of Unreliability
Once you give up integrity, the rest is easy – Evan’s Law
Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich by promising to protect each from the other – Ameringer’s Axiom
When a politician gets an idea, he usually gets it wrong – the 5th Rule of Politics
No matter what goes wrong, it will probably look right – Scott’s First Law
Murphy’s Law always hits at the worst time – Lanning’s Law
Things get worse under pressure – Murphy’s Law of Thermodynamics
Sometimes it takes several years to recognize the obvious – Sy’s Law of Science
If you are in a hole, stop digging – 1st Rule of Excavation
There is no issue so small that it can’t be blown out of proportion – Ruckert’s Law
The degree to which you overreact to information will be in inverse proportion to its accuracy – Weatherwax’s Postulate
The item you had your eye on the minute you walked in will be taken by the person in front of you – Cafeteria Law
Nothing is as temporary as that which is called permanent – Jose’s Axiom
Nothing is as permanent as that which is called temporary – Corollary
Free time that unexpectedly becomes available will be wasted – Sandiland’s Law
The one who does the least work will get the most credit – Shapiro’s Law of Reward
No matter how often a lie is shown to be false, there will remain a percentage of people who believe it to be true – Law of the Lie
The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you’ve got it made – Glyme’s Formula for Success
Never replicate a successful experiment – Fett’s Law of the Lab
Accuracy is the sum total of your compensating mistakes – Wingfield’s Axiom
As soon as you’re doing what you wanted to be doing, you want to be doing something else – Law of Living
There’s no time like the present for postponing what you don’t want to do – Hecht’s Law
Whichever way you turn upon entering an elevator, the buttons will be on the opposite side – Gluck’s Law
If credit can possibly go to someone else, it will – Kovaleski’s Dictum
If you don’t do anything, you can’t do anything wrong – Cameron’s Law
It is impossible for anyone to learn that which he thinks he already knows – Plutarch’s Rule
The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people – Chesterton
A little inaccuracy can save a lot of explanation – Munroe’s Teaching Principle
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive – Grandpa Charnock’s Law
Man is always ready to die for an idea, provided that the idea is not quite clear to him – Eldridge’s Law of War
If you don’t care where you are, you’re not lost – Rune’s Rule of the Road
One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory – Brown’s Rule
If you don’t need it and don’t want it, there is always plenty of it – Murphy’s Law of Supply
In America, it’s not how much an item costs, it’s how much you save – Paulg’s Law
Don’t believe everything you hear or anything you say – Murray’s Law
Marriage teaches you loyality, forbearance, selfrestraint, meekness, and a great many other things you wouldn’t need if you had stayed single – Townsend’s Law
It doesn’t matter if you win or lose… until you lose – O.J.’s Law
Assumption is the mother of all screw-ups – Wethern’s Law of Suspended Judgment
There are no answers, only cross-references – Weiner’s Law of Libraries
To err is human, but to really f*ck things up requires a computer – Law of Unreliability
Once you give up integrity, the rest is easy – Evan’s Law
Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich by promising to protect each from the other – Ameringer’s Axiom
When a politician gets an idea, he usually gets it wrong – the 5th Rule of Politics
No matter what goes wrong, it will probably look right – Scott’s First Law
Murphy’s Law always hits at the worst time – Lanning’s Law
Things get worse under pressure – Murphy’s Law of Thermodynamics
Sometimes it takes several years to recognize the obvious – Sy’s Law of Science
If you are in a hole, stop digging – 1st Rule of Excavation
There is no issue so small that it can’t be blown out of proportion – Ruckert’s Law
The degree to which you overreact to information will be in inverse proportion to its accuracy – Weatherwax’s Postulate
The item you had your eye on the minute you walked in will be taken by the person in front of you – Cafeteria Law
Nothing is as temporary as that which is called permanent – Jose’s Axiom
Nothing is as permanent as that which is called temporary – Corollary
Free time that unexpectedly becomes available will be wasted – Sandiland’s Law
The one who does the least work will get the most credit – Shapiro’s Law of Reward
No matter how often a lie is shown to be false, there will remain a percentage of people who believe it to be true – Law of the Lie
The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you’ve got it made – Glyme’s Formula for Success
Never replicate a successful experiment – Fett’s Law of the Lab
Accuracy is the sum total of your compensating mistakes – Wingfield’s Axiom
As soon as you’re doing what you wanted to be doing, you want to be doing something else – Law of Living
There’s no time like the present for postponing what you don’t want to do – Hecht’s Law
Whichever way you turn upon entering an elevator, the buttons will be on the opposite side – Gluck’s Law
If credit can possibly go to someone else, it will – Kovaleski’s Dictum
If you don’t do anything, you can’t do anything wrong – Cameron’s Law
It is impossible for anyone to learn that which he thinks he already knows – Plutarch’s Rule
The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people – Chesterton
A little inaccuracy can save a lot of explanation – Munroe’s Teaching Principle
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive – Grandpa Charnock’s Law
Man is always ready to die for an idea, provided that the idea is not quite clear to him – Eldridge’s Law of War
If you don’t care where you are, you’re not lost – Rune’s Rule of the Road
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
life thoughts
Ran across this list . . .
1 I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
2 Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
3 I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
4 The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.
5 Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. “Yes” is the answer.
6 Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
7 We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
8 Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.
9 We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
10 Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
11 Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
12 War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
13 If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.
14 The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
15 Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
16 Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
17 If sex is a pain in the ass, then you’re doing it wrong…
18 Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
19 Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
20 A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..
21 My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
22 I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
23 If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.
24 I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
25 If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
26 Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
27 If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea… does that mean that one enjoys it?
28 Some people are like Slinkies … not really good for anything, but you can’t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
29 How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
30 Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
31 A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.
32 Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
33 Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
34 To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
35 A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
36 I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it…so I said “Implants?”
37 Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
38 A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
39 The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
40 Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
41 Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
42 Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
43 The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
44 Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says “If an emergency, notify:” I put “DOCTOR”. What’s my mother going to do?
45 He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
46 The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
47 I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
48 Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
49 God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
50 Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
51 The sole purpose of a child’s middle name, is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble.
52 Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
53 Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
54 Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
55 My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
56 Some people say “If you can’t beat them, join them”. I say “If you can’t beat them, beat them”, because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.
57 Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
58 It’s not the fall that kills you; it’s the sudden stop at the end.
59 Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
60 Hospitality: making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you wish they were.
61 You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
62 Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
63 I discovered I scream the same way whether I’m about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
64 A bargain is something you don’t need at a price you can’t resist.
65 My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
66 I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
67 Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
68 A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
69 We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.
70 You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
71 I should’ve known it wasn’t going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I’m a Libra and she’s a bitch.
72 A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” Father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”
73 With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.
74 Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.
75 Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
76 There’s a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can’t get away.
77 I don’t trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn’t die.
78 Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
79 Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
80 I always take life with a grain of salt, …plus a slice of lemon, …and a shot of tequila.
81 If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you!
82 I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.
83 When in doubt, mumble.
84 I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
85 To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
86 Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you’re an asshole.
87 A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
88 A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
89 Just remember…if the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off.
90 I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, “I’m going to mop the floor with your face.” I said, “You’ll be sorry.” He said, “Oh, yeah? Why?” I said, “Well, you won’t be able to get into the corners very well.”
91 Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
92 You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket… I’d miss you heaps and think of you often.
93 When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
94 Hallmark Card: “I’m so miserable without you, it’s almost like you’re still here.”
95 Virginity is like a soapbubble, one prick and it is gone.
96 Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
97 If winning isn’t everything why do they keep score?
98 If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you’ll have trouble putting on your pants.
99 If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child.
100 Whoever coined the phrase “Quiet as a mouse” has never stepped on one.
1 I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
2 Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
3 I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
4 The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.
5 Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. “Yes” is the answer.
6 Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
7 We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
8 Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.
9 We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
10 Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
11 Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
12 War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
13 If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.
14 The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
15 Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
16 Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
17 If sex is a pain in the ass, then you’re doing it wrong…
18 Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
19 Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
20 A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..
21 My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
22 I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
23 If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.
24 I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
25 If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
26 Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
27 If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea… does that mean that one enjoys it?
28 Some people are like Slinkies … not really good for anything, but you can’t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
29 How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
30 Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
31 A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.
32 Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
33 Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
34 To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
35 A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
36 I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it…so I said “Implants?”
37 Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
38 A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
39 The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
40 Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
41 Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
42 Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
43 The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
44 Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says “If an emergency, notify:” I put “DOCTOR”. What’s my mother going to do?
45 He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
46 The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
47 I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
48 Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
49 God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
50 Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
51 The sole purpose of a child’s middle name, is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble.
52 Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
53 Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
54 Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
55 My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
56 Some people say “If you can’t beat them, join them”. I say “If you can’t beat them, beat them”, because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.
57 Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
58 It’s not the fall that kills you; it’s the sudden stop at the end.
59 Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
60 Hospitality: making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you wish they were.
61 You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
62 Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
63 I discovered I scream the same way whether I’m about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
64 A bargain is something you don’t need at a price you can’t resist.
65 My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
66 I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
67 Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
68 A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
69 We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.
70 You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
71 I should’ve known it wasn’t going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I’m a Libra and she’s a bitch.
72 A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” Father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”
73 With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.
74 Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.
75 Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
76 There’s a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can’t get away.
77 I don’t trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn’t die.
78 Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
79 Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
80 I always take life with a grain of salt, …plus a slice of lemon, …and a shot of tequila.
81 If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you!
82 I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.
83 When in doubt, mumble.
84 I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
85 To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
86 Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you’re an asshole.
87 A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
88 A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
89 Just remember…if the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off.
90 I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, “I’m going to mop the floor with your face.” I said, “You’ll be sorry.” He said, “Oh, yeah? Why?” I said, “Well, you won’t be able to get into the corners very well.”
91 Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
92 You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket… I’d miss you heaps and think of you often.
93 When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
94 Hallmark Card: “I’m so miserable without you, it’s almost like you’re still here.”
95 Virginity is like a soapbubble, one prick and it is gone.
96 Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
97 If winning isn’t everything why do they keep score?
98 If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you’ll have trouble putting on your pants.
99 If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child.
100 Whoever coined the phrase “Quiet as a mouse” has never stepped on one.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
casting call
Out of the external fixator and into a hard cast for three weeks - is there no end to this? Anyway, the Podiatrist people are happy with my progress. My jury is still out. Moved rooms in the rehab. Last roomie was very high maintenance. Bedpan every two hours at nite. The opposite hours taken up with calls for ice water. I did not get any sleep for four days.
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